Hobson's Choice
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Barney
Eleanor has inherited a Barney video from our neighbors which, I swear, features the follow lyric:
"Mother Goose, Mother Goose, we're so glad you're here. / We'd like you even better if you'd buy us a beer."
Chris insists that this absolutely cannot be the lyric, and I agree, rationally. But damned if I can figure out what else those kids are trying to sing.
Especially since the all the forced jollity and dinosaur-hugging and sharing on Barney videos can really only be alcohol-related.
I picture Barney video tapings as being much like old Brady Bunch tapings. During the breaks, the little kids smoke and drink and molest each other in the dog house.
I know that you've heard/read countless explanations why Barney is odious. But here it is: two and three year olds are the only people on the planet who love Barney. Fine. No one can figure out why they love him since he is a terrifying T.Rex. But two and three years genuinely love Barney.
So then why do they have 8 and 10 year old actors on the show, who patently have to mime their delight about singing with Barney. I mean, why should a program's stars have to bind their bosoms when the programs fans are a full decade from a bra? Have actual two year olds who can't carry a tune on the program, and you might get me tune in.
There's this little guilt-inducing Barney ad on PBS that goes something along the lines of, "If you could see Barney through your two year old's eyes, you would love Barney, too." And then there's all this gooey music and subtext that you're permanently damaging your child by not sharing their love for Barney. As if permitting them to watch Barney without making any overtly sarcastic or nasty comments weren't enough.
I love PBS; I will send them my money for fund drive; but for that ad, PBS can suck it.
10:58 a.m. - 2004-10-13
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