Hobson's Choice
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Eleanor is gone to my mom and dad's yesterday and today. So I've been working like a work-crazed demon, trying to get caught up on all four projects I'm with right now. And I've also indulged in a little spring cleaning (you know you're an employed mother when you use the word "indulgence" to describe cleaning... or maybe I'm just "artistic" about my housecleaning in the first place). Went down to the basement and went through all of E'nor's clothes to try to get them into fewer plastic bins.
Why do babies need so many clothes? Because they throw up all over them all the time and then they graduate to getting food all over them and then mud.
Trying to decide what to keep for a next baby brought up all my anxieties about getting pregnant again. For example, we have an amazing number of receiving blankets, probably 30 (none of which we bought, by the way!). Now, if Next Baby goes to term, there is no way we will need that many receiving blankets; if NB should be another premie, we will. Premies stay wrapped in 2 or 3 blankets pretty much all the time.
So, really, that's all about my worry: will Next Baby be okay? And will we be okay? It seems like so many mothers of premies have lost children. And what if Next Baby were to come even earlier than Eleanor? And have big problems? Or were a boy (and hence less hearty -- premie boys are notoriously more fragile than premie girls)? And how could we possibly give the attention and focus to Next Baby that we gave to Eleanor? I couldn't pump 10 times a day while taking care of a tiny Next Baby and a running around Eleanor. And what if we're living far away from family? How will we cope with the needs of a premie and the needs of a preschooler?
All from sorting through baby clothes, borrowing trouble.
Now, I'm off to pick up the lovely Eleanor so that she can come home and go to the "parkee" and play with her cousins.
11:51 a.m. - 2004-02-28
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